Speaking of Women's Health
The Speaking of Women's Health Podcast is excited to bring you credible women's health information from host and Executive Director, Dr. Holly L. Thacker. Dr. Thacker will interview guest clinicians discussing relevant women's health topics and the latest news and tips.
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Speaking of Women's Health
Decrease Stress and Be Present for the Holiday Season
Unwrap the secrets to a stress-free holiday season with our guest Marita Pompeani, a clinical social worker and holistic psychotherapist. Guest host Leigh Klekar interviews Martina to help relieve holiday stress, particularly prevalent among women balancing multiple caregiving roles.
Discover Marita's expert strategies for reducing stress while staying present, and learn why self-care is not just a luxury but a necessity amidst societal pressures and personal guilt. We'll also explore how embracing traditional family activities can be the perfect antidote to seasonal stress.
Welcome to the Fit, Healthy and Happy Podcast hosted by Josh and Kyle from Colossus...
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Welcome to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast. I'm your host, dr Holly Thacker, and I'm back temporarily today in the Sunflower House. I love bringing these podcasts to you, my audience, who I adore, and we're bringing you great content from speakingofwomenshealthcom. But, as you may or may not know, not only am I the executive director of Speaking of Women's Health, but I also direct our Center for Specialized Women's Health and run a specialty women's health fellowship, and I want to keep giving you, our listeners, the best content that we have on our site. And so I want to introduce our wonderful executive producer of the podcast, leigh Kleckar, and she is behind the scenes and our social media manager for Speaking of Women's Health, and she is going to guest podcast, including today. So take it away, leigh.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast. I'm your guest host, leigh Klecker, the producer of the podcast, and I'm so happy to be back in the Sunflower House for this new podcast episode with Marita Pompiani. I'm talking with Marita today on the subject of how to decrease stress and be present for the holiday season. So first I'd like to share a little bit about Marita's professional background. She is a clinical social worker and has worked with children, adolescents and adults from diverse backgrounds in a variety of treatment settings for 40 years. She currently is a holistic psychotherapist in the Center for Integrative and Lifestyle Medicine at Cleveland Clinic and, using a variety of treatment approaches, including cognitive, behavioral and mind-body therapies, she assists patients in the development of personal tools to manage different types of stress and resolve conflict, navigate transitions and major life changes, heal from trauma and address common problems.
Speaker 2:So welcome, marita. Thank you, it's good to be here. Thanks for joining us. You actually wrote a fantastic column on our website, speakingofwomenshealthcom last year called the Importance of Self-Care and why Women Need to Be a Little Selfish, and I feel that that topic really goes hands in hand with what we're talking about today, about just taking a step back and really kind of prioritizing things during the holiday season and all year. These are probably tips that we can use all year long.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I love the first couple lines of your column. It said at various times in our lives most of us have experienced the steady, drip, drip, drip of stressful events, until they get to the point of overwhelm and they're facing extreme painful situations. And women, often involved in numerous caregiving roles, regularly overlook their own wellness needs. So I'm sure many of our listeners feel that way during the holiday season. So I'm glad we have you joining us so you can share some of these important tips for our listeners out there. So let's start with sort of the very basic. Why is the holiday season so stressful for people and especially women?
Speaker 3:Excellent question. Obviously, there are so many strains on our time and resources during the holiday season and even like now, in so many situations where people have a strain already. Even when they're not in the holidays, they may be living paycheck to paycheck. They may be going through the same routine every week to get everything done and then started all over at the beginning of the following week, and it really drains our energy, it drains our enthusiasm for living really, and women especially, in our society we have.
Speaker 3:Not only do we take on some of these more caretaking roles, oftentimes with elderly or our children or other people in need, there's also sometimes this sense of guilt that we're not doing enough. Or there's stories that we've been telling ourselves for years that our culture kind of pushes out there through the media about the role of women and what we need to be doing. So there's many reasons, and I also want to give a shout out to men, because they also feel the strain as well and that's important. So expectations are another stressor. You know that. What are we going to do? How are we going to manage this? This, because we've always done it this way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, and I do think that's important that you did do a shout out to the men I know a lot of. You know husbands, partners are more involved you know the last you know nowadays than maybe you know grandparents, parents, so you know they do take on a lot.
Speaker 3:I do think women do tend to take on more, though I will say that as a mother and as a working mom. So it depends on the individual, individual families. Yeah, but absolutely yes. Yes, it's the tendency. Yeah, men, men look at the bigger picture. I think Women are details and we have to have things looking just right, and it's just a different way of approaching it Right, and then we tend to show our stress maybe more readily. Men sometimes kind of hold that in, so it's more apparent when a woman is stressed versus a man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you made an important point too about the social media. I think a lot of people you know if you're frequently on there, you're looking what everyone else is doing and sort of comparing your own life and that's just not healthy.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's newer to our society in the last 20 years, where that's been an issue that's added, versus more traditional experiences of the holidays where we had more homespun activities and we did things that our families passed on. The traditions, yes, yeah, absolutely so. Why don't we talk about some ways for people to maybe limit and deal with stress quickly? So you know, we're getting really close to the holidays at this point, so we don't have months to maybe, you know, go back and prepare. But what can they do now to help, you know, with this stress?
Speaker 3:You know it's funny. I remember when my kids were little we would have all this tension and stress preparing to go to grandma's, and some of us may have been like talking loudly prior to arriving. And then we get there and we're like, okay, now we have to put our happy face on right and that is a real experience. So, paying attention to those things, sometimes even ahead of time and I know moms are good at this because that was the role I can't speak for dads but the planning that goes into this, like we are like 10 steps ahead of everybody else, because we can see what's on the horizon, what we have to have done, what this has to be in place, this, this, this. So we do a really good job of planning, but sometimes we have to do a good job of letting that go right and saying this is the plan.
Speaker 3:But you know, late information for some people, maybe some people already know it, but just remembering that stress is the result of a nervous system reaction to a trigger, and so this part of our brain that's responsible for our survival is called the amygdala and it's constantly scanning your environment for signs of danger or distress. And it's constantly scanning your environment for signs of danger or distress. So when it's detected, it sets in motion a lot of physical responses. One of those is the secretion of adrenaline, which gives us that energy to really have what we need to fight or flee for our lives. That's the purpose of that part of our nervous system. When we understand that's what's going into play here, we don't have to respond that way. We can shut that down and make a shift. So learning what your stress responses are is really important.
Speaker 3:One of my first things that I do is I hold my breath and I have tension in my belly. So I've gotten to the point, lee, where I have learned. When that happens, I can bring in some very simple breathing techniques to take myself off the stress cycle. Basically and I don't even get into the story about what it is, because that's not as important as attending to what's happening here that's what drives our responses that increase in blood flow, the adrenaline, our heart starts to race, all of these things. So get to know what your physical symptoms are so that you can make a different response that takes practice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not going to happen right away. Some people will try something and say it didn't work, I'm not going to do it. It doesn't work, but it takes time. So, breathing I'm going to tell you a little bit about breathing too. Breathing the reason that we do this breath, and I can stand up and demonstrate that. If that would be good, I'll show you in a minute. Most people, when they take a deep breath, they just suck in. Everything gets sucked in, shoulders tighten and all of that, and that's the opposite of what our body needs to calm down. What we recommend, and what's been found to be extremely helpful, is expanding our belly on the inhale. So if you put your hands, and just when you start to do this, you put your hands on your belly and you breathe out, push out when you're breathing in, I'm sorry, and then on the exhale.
Speaker 2:Sort of like a yoga breathing.
Speaker 3:Exactly, that's exactly it it is. If you're familiar with yoga, people who are in music, who sing, it's also called diaphragm breathing. Okay, the reason it's so effective is because you're pressing on your diaphragm, which has the vagus nerve running through it. So the vagus nerve is that one of the biggest nerves in your body. It goes, goes through all your organs, your brain, your spinal cord, and it puts into motion your parasympathetic nervous system response, which puts you in calm. So you're activating the part of your nervous system that is responsible to help you calm down, system that is responsible to help you calm down and shuts off the other fight or flight response, which is your sympathetic nervous system.
Speaker 2:All of those words aren't necessarily important to remember as much as the techniques and so how many times do we need to do that breath to sort of actually get that result that you're talking about?
Speaker 3:yes, the more you do it, the to do that breath to sort of actually get that result that you're talking about. Yes, the more you do it, the more you're going to be training your body and your mind, this new way of responding. So when you, when I, work with people and demonstrate it, I'll have them do it three to four times, but you could do it a little bit longer if you wanted. Some people don't have the patience for that, and that's okay, don't worry about that. I heard somebody say uh, he, when he first learned some of these techniques, he can only tolerate five seconds of doing this, okay, well, and he and so just know that that's the process. It it takes time, like I said, to train your system. He was unable to tolerate eight seconds and extended that as he went.
Speaker 2:And especially if you're like you used the example you're on your way to grandma's and you can feel yourself with this heavy, this, you know heavy load, just even maybe a couple breaths to start that, you know, in the car exactly shift yeah, shift it, yeah, um, another thing you can do is just like dial in what's happening, what am I feeling, and this again takes practice.
Speaker 3:But just paying attention, where is that tension? Ah, it's here. I'm just going to envision the breath coming in and melting it. You know, just melting it off the tension and releasing it. And I'm doing it in this interview. Uh, constantly, not constantly, but regularly, throughout my whole day.
Speaker 2:It's a, it's a lifestyle, it really is yeah, yeah, you know, I know sometimes I get very stubborn when I am feeling stress and you use the perfect example, you know you finally get, you know your family in the car and you're, you're feeling that, but like my husband will say, well, what can I do to help? And I'm just, I'm like I can't even receive that, you know, right. So it's's like you're right, you have to sort of completely really work on this to change that. Go, okay, I will receive it and I'm also going to take care of myself at this moment and do a breathing exercise or take a quick walk or whatever, right?
Speaker 3:yes, yes, some people do. You know you can do Google searches. There's so many so I can give you a few here. But there's there are so many and you will know which ones work for you and everybody I work with has different ones they go to. I worked with somebody who had a high anxiety and at work he would go to the restroom and run his wrists under cold water because that helped him and cold ice pack or water can help turn down that stress response. You know the stress response. One of the symptoms is increased body temperature. So that is something to pay attention to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I know also a few of your fellow colleagues have written columns for Speaking of Women's Health. I think there's one definitely on breathing exercises and different breathing exercises and some other tips too, so we can direct our listeners to speakingofwomenshealthcom.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Search for some of those under wellness.
Speaker 3:Yeah, one other one that you mentioned also was like walking away, taking a pause reset, and that's been shown to be really effective as well.
Speaker 2:Right, I can kind of see that working when you do get to say grandma's or whatever, maybe get together you're at, or if it's at your own home and everyone's coming in and you know there's a lot of noise and a lot of things, and you've got things in the oven. Go, you know what? I will be right back. Give me two minutes.
Speaker 3:Yes, and sometimes if I'm at somebody else's house, I use the restroom Like I'll just excuse myself and I use that time and I've seen a movie recently where the person will go and look right Actually, I think it was Ted Lasso, one of the main characters Love that show, yeah, and kind of dials into himself, yeah, and really what you're doing is connecting your mind and your body, you're grounding in and when you do that, you're turning off the stress cycle, yeah, which includes repeated thoughts and a story like this always happens why does she or why does he? And so just recognize that you can step out of that story that you're telling yourself, because that adds to the stress, right it?
Speaker 2:drives it Right, right. So you talked a little bit about this, about setting realistic expectations, but maybe we can dive a little bit more into that and sort of walk us through maybe some of your tips or steps of how we can set those realistic expectations going into the holiday season.
Speaker 3:Well, I think it's important to sit in preparation for the holidays and a lot of people probably do this to identify what are all the things that you expect to happen, what are your expectations, what are your family members expectations. Identify them and get get familiar with, even recognize. Oh oh yeah, aunt Sally, this has to be done, or whatever my apologies to all the Sally's out there but being sure that you're aware of the list and then setting your priorities. Do you have, you know, a spouse or a partner? You want to do that together, obviously, um, understanding you might not get everything on your wish list or expectation list and yet you'll have to be flexible, but being really clear about things that are really just unreasonable, um, whether it's your resource of finances or time or energy.
Speaker 3:So I work with a lot of people who have chronic illness and they're grappling with their new self. So they are in this different space of not having the energy to tolerate. All of that goes into the cleaning, the food, the shopping, all of that. So, being realistic about that. Another thing I see families doing, especially with so many blended families we've got to go to, you know, on Christmas day. We have to go here, here, here and here. And is that realistic really? Is there an alternate plan that you can maybe rotate? This year we'll go to this one's house on Christmas, next year we'll go to the next one and then finding other days, because with young children in tow, that's really setting you up for more stress if you are taking them to places, place that they don't have the bandwidth to tolerate that level of stimulation and interaction. So really being realistic about that is super important.
Speaker 3:Obviously, financially it is what it is, and if there are, if there are not enough dollars to put into gift buying in the way you want to, then you need to make an alternate plan and be okay with that and say this year it's just not possible. There may be people obviously you have to take off your gift giving list that you purchased for, but can you give a gift in a different way, a gift of time or even just a, a special card with a message about, um, all the things that make that person really special to you? So you can do alternate things. Uh, it doesn't have to look like it does for everybody on tv or social media or wherever you know, or even what you used to do yeah, and that could be hard, you know, especially for my teens.
Speaker 2:You know they don't want a stuffed animal anymore. That could maybe cost ten dollars, it's, you know something, that's a hundred plus so it's like, okay, you might only be getting one thing. Then.
Speaker 1:You know there are multiple children in my family.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:Or can you give money. We've done this where, if you know, I have a son who has very expensive tastes. Well, I'll give you $100 towards that purchase.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great idea Right, so you're keeping within your budget Absolutely.
Speaker 3:But you know, and they probably love to get that money anyway and so yeah, I remember getting money for Christmas and then I was like, oh good, this is, like you know, fun money for whatever I want.
Speaker 2:So absolutely, yeah, well, those are great, great tips. Um, so we we're actually segwaying into the next question, which is managing. Managing gift giving, you know we talked a lot about that. Maybe we could dive into a little bit like if some people haven't even started their shopping yet. It can be really stressful, Like or you forgot someone on your list. I've done that before.
Speaker 2:Or I'm like you know I'll make my list ahead of time of who I'm buying for, and there was one year where I forgot someone very important in my life just because I was stressed and busy. Yeah. So it was a last minute trying to find something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so some of the things that can be helpful in that. You know, obviously I've been in that place. I know exactly I might look up like, if it's an out of town person, I might go online and do a restaurant search to see what are some good restaurants that match their style of, you know, dining out and then get an online gift certificate which I can share with them. Gift cards are always available in the grocery store, so it's not always what people want to get for people, but if you receive them, if you're that sort of person that enjoys that, it can be meaningful, again, paired with a nice message about how important that person is to you.
Speaker 3:Last minute shopping so many different ways to do that with online again. Or, you know, usually we want to try to avoid the box stores or, you know, because of the lines and all that, but sometimes that is what we have to end up doing if it's last minute. Right, that is what we have to end up doing if it's last minute, right. One other thing that I've done over the years is I will pick up lovely things that somebody just it'll make a good gift for somebody, and to have a stash of stuff like that at home is a really good idea for that situation. Or a bottle of wine, or a box of candy or something. Picking up some extra things just for that purpose. There's somebody I'm going to forget. I'm going to get some extras for that, that's a great idea.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even if you're going to someone's home and you want to bring them something small as a thank you a nice house, you know, or a hostess gift or host gift, yeah, yes, great idea. I love that. Maybe I'll start myself a little box here after the Christmas and get some stuff on clearance too yes, exactly, I have, I've, I have, you know, year-round I pick up stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great and that can really help with that stress to know that you can just go up there maybe and grab something and not have to worry about going out to a store and dealing with a crowd and chaos.
Speaker 3:And one other thing. I talked a little bit ago about the stories we tell ourselves. Pay attention to that expectation. And is that realistic to expect that of yourself? And sometimes you're in a tight bind. You're not going to be able to meet that expectation right. So being okay with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a question that just kind of popped in my head because it's sort of something that I'm dealing with. So if you know you've done a certain tradition every year, be it maybe go to someone's home or go somewhere and you've just decided that's not the important for your family anymore, maybe it's not bringing you joy or bringing everybody joy, you know, but it's stressful to have to tell, say, you know, joe, that you know know we're not coming this year, um, so I'm just wondering how, like people can sort of do you have any tips on handling that and you know, talking and having that conversation, or how to handle that, um, you know, with with the person who you know you're usually spending that time with? Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3:That's such a good question, lee. Um, and I imagine that's such a good question, lee, and I imagine that's going to be a real issue, possibly this year, since it was an election year. So, understanding and coming to that awareness with, again, if you have a partner or a spouse that you do these things with, if not, you can decide on your own. But, um, really getting clear about what your intention for the holiday is and if our intention is to create joy, create good, just really be with the people that we're with, and maybe, as we go through different times in our lives, our inner circle changes and so our inner circle as we have children and then they go on and have their own children, families cannot sustain all of the extended people that they have. So finding a different day to visit with them, maybe in January after the holidays sometimes people do that some alternate ways If it's just not a good fit to continue that relationship, that's another issue.
Speaker 3:Really, just people address it lots of ways. One way is to say you know what? We have some other things happening right now, you know. Obviously we can say we're very busy this year for you know all these other reasons, or not even give reasons and just say we're not able to get together this year. I'm really sorry, um, and and if that person wants to ask about that, I would prepare something ahead of time, um, like rehearsing it.
Speaker 3:Even you know to say, yeah, this is just not going to work for us. And if they keep pressing, you could say you know, not able to talk about it right now, I'm really sorry, this is a struggle for you. Some of that, like, I'm comfortable saying those things because I speak with people about hard things all day. Other people may not feel comfortable, so some people may want to text. Texting is a little bit easier way to back out of a situation. I don't recommend it, but some people do what we call ghosting. Right, I mean lots of ways to shift. Um, I have had something like that and I just had to say you know, we're, we're going to do something different this year and then that kind of established a new way forward for the family right and and it's honest.
Speaker 2:So you don't have to feel the guilt that you're you know having to, maybe you know tell a white lie or something that you're you know having to. Maybe you know tell a white lie or something.
Speaker 3:So you're being honest and you're still being you know, right, yeah you don't have to give all the information, especially to someone who keeps pressing you for the information, because that to me, is a sign that they're not going to really be able to hear it or understand it and be as accepting of that. And if that's the situation with that particular group or person, boundary setting is super important. Also another thing let's say you're in a situation where you know, let's say, mom and dad have all these people coming over and you don't have much control over the guest list but you want to make sure you make an appearance. That's another thing to like, navigate and kind of plan out. I know I'm not going to respond well to this person's energy or whatever I. I know that I want to be present for my family, but I'm I'm going to make sure I stay a distance and that's one way people can navigate that Um. Knowing topics you will not engage in Um and I'll give a little story from my life Politics.
Speaker 3:I am probably one of the few people in my family that believe like I do and I have a sea of people who believe differently, and so at the beginning there was a lot of tension, you know, when this started so many years ago and I would be all reared up and ready to go. And what I learned is that's just like the antithesis of why we get together. Shortly after that, my mom got really sick. Shortly after that, my mom got really sick. We needed each other, we needed to work together and it became so clear that having the politics talk was really harmful to us. So we had to learn when we're getting on the slippery slope. I have one sister in particular and we know we don't and we've kind of like identified that we know we can't talk about that because we love each other. That's why we are together as a family and still getting together. And when you can connect to the heart and the, the intention and the purpose of getting together, make that what's your priority. Make that your priority.
Speaker 3:When you do that, the all this other stuff will will just fade back really no, that's, that's wonderful advice.
Speaker 2:I mean because you know my question we already passed through it was dealing with certain family members or friends that are like family during the holidays. You know, because there's during family. It's hard with families. There's always going to be maybe some tension, right? So, like you said, either just avoiding certain topics, maybe if you're not speaking, maybe it's just best to just say a simple hello and then go engage with others that are bringing you joy at the moment, you know yeah, and and you know, it's not like you're not going to um engage with these people at all, because there may be something.
Speaker 3:focus on what you do have in common, you know, and focus on that, what brings you joy that you want to share with other people. If you can really just kind of dial into what's happening in your body to using some of these mind body tools and keep yourself in a calm state, that also helps tremendously, because now you're not in the fight or flight protective mode and if you stay calm, then you can tap into your happiness and share that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. That's really good advice. So the topic is sort of be more present, right, and I know again, we've touched on this in so many ways but maybe just how can we be more present during the special moments and occasions? You know that, because this time is only once a year. You know, for many and you know I know, people are just so busy in their lives and they're going in so many different directions and it's one day where, hopefully, everyone has the day off work and they're able to be with those that they care about.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's that's so importantly. You know you can grab those. We call them mindful moments. Some people call them glimmers. It's, the glimmer is an opposite of a trigger. So there's something that like triggers your stress, but there's glimmers that help to put you in a state of calm. So start to dial into that. It could be a song, it could be something that you see, you could be in nature. Give yourself that, even in the busyness.
Speaker 3:So on the days where I can't because I'm an avid hiker and I love being outside on the days I have to work inside all day, I will go out at lunch or after work or in the morning, just to grab the sunshine, you know, just to be present and in that and see nature. There may be a bird, there may be a tree. Something is going to light me up. Learn what lights you up and get get into that. You know, um, when you're doing work, have your playlist. I have like my morning playlist to get my motor going. I have like that's great one to help calm me down. I have fun tunes that help me dancing. If I've got chores to do, I put that on. My mom and dad would play polka music on Saturday chore day and I was like now I get it.
Speaker 3:Why the fuck they did it? Because they didn't want to hear anybody squawking about doing their chores. Because we're all like upbeat, you know. So use what you have, use what you know works for you being mindful. Some people will use the breathing quieting, some people just dialing into your body your sensory shift, you know. Oh, this thing is in, I'm in pain here. That's adding to my stress, and sometimes with practice you can melt off even pain with your breathing. So there's lots of stuff that you can do. Gratitude is another good one, just having at the end of the day. What am I grateful for today? What happened, what went well, especially in the stressful times?
Speaker 2:That's great. That's great. Yeah, dr thacker just did a podcast um for thanksgiving about gratitude and the benefits it can have on our physical and mental health.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I know. So if you can't, like I do, um, here's one other thing I do. In those days uh, that are difficult I may get like in the shower every morning and I just go, you know, and I just tap into what's churning around, and that happened for me after a very painful loss. And you wake up every morning and the reality is there again. That person's not with us. So I had to just again dial in, get to know what's happening in your body, release it, the energy can be released, and then you shift.
Speaker 2:Breathe it out. Breathe out that negativity yeah, and some people will do this sort of thing. Yeah, out that negativity yeah, and some people will do this sort of thing. So well, we just touched on this or you did as well about the holidays being challenging for those, maybe, who have lost loved ones, and do you have any tips for those going through this? You know type of difficult situation this year.
Speaker 3:Yeah, first of all, I want, I just want to put it out there that this year yeah, first of all, I want, I just want to put it out there that there there really are no right or wrong ways to do this. Like, I'll give some ideas and they may not fit for whoever's listening, and that's okay. Sometimes, grief, you know, will look different For some people.
Speaker 2:grief you know will look different.
Speaker 3:For some people their grieving looks like staying busy, yeah Right. And other people they may be more into feeling that and again releasing the tears that come with that. So some ways that we can do something to mark this as, especially if it's the first holiday without somebody, is to create what we call a very simple ritual. It can look like anything be having a space at the table for this person, if there's enough chairs with maybe a flower or something you know in there in that place, a picture. Some people have that set up in their, in their living room or dining room, like a little area where they've set that up as a memorial. Some people may have a special prayer or a poem right at the beginning of their meal to acknowledge that person. Sometimes people will even just tell their memories of that person, you know, and it happens very naturally in some families where they're talking about something and they'll bring up so-and-so and then everybody's starting to share their story. So it can happen all different ways. It doesn't have to be formally, you know, put into place, um.
Speaker 3:Another part of this is that sometimes we don't know what to say to to our um loved ones that are grieving. So just having that awareness that, um, they may struggle sometimes if we don't say anything and acknowledge you know how are you doing with this. They they may feel like nobody really cares. So it's a very delicate balance of things to say and things not to say. You certainly don't want to. You would like to like. It helps to avoid things that might trigger something for them. For example, he's in a better place now is one that you may really believe that with your faith. But a person's faith experience can get rocked to the core when they lose somebody very special, and so you, if you're not really sure if that's a value that they share, or maybe they had to turn away from that for a period of time, I would not go. So there are some things that you wouldn't want to say. Some other things that really help is to have this awareness that it can be helpful to be with people and to accept invitations. So I recommend something called the ABCD method, which is to accept invitations but also have be a backup plan, because on that day you may not feel up to it. So put into place something different Instead of being in an environment where there's a lot of happy people. That really may feel overwhelming. So have a backup plan for yourself If there's an invitation, especially that you don't think you're going to go to, but accept the invitation because on that morning you may feel okay with going and that might be the very thing you need. You just don't know. So you don't want to close something out right away, so accept the invitation, have a backup plan.
Speaker 3:C is code word. If you're going to one of these events with somebody and you decide you need to leave, have a code word, like to give a high sign that you've come to the point where you need to leave. And that's really common, where you may want to leave within an hour or, you know, shortly after dinner, just because it's enough, you've arrived, you've shared some time that felt good, but then and then and that's it and you're done. And so having that code word is important. Or D drive separately, which, if you can do that, do that.
Speaker 2:Give yourself permission to come and go when, when it's time, when you have it Right, yeah, and then it gives you a little bit of that control and it doesn't feel maybe so overwhelming to attend that event Right.
Speaker 3:Exactly. Keep your expectations of yourself very simple, you know. Set small goals for yourself, especially with holiday prep as well. I often have heard I don't feel like putting up my tree or Christmas decorations. Okay, you know, just follow that. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Speaker 3:Try not to isolate, though. The isolation is what can really make things very difficult for you, and it's not good to be completely alone 100% of the time. Know which people you feel comfortable being with, because they may not all feel comfortable and I've had that too where some people are like no, this group is too much for me right now, and that's okay. It doesn't mean it's a forever breaking away from that group. It just means right now and then always continue to do your self-care, whatever.
Speaker 3:Like some of the things that we talked about with stress management is super important. One other thing I didn't mention yet and this is really good to develop what I call coping statements. These are going to be like anchors, and I have some patients who write these down, carry them with them and use them all the time. Things like statements like I can do hard things or it's okay to take time to grieve yeah, I continue to go forward even when I'm feeling overwhelmed. So having some things like that available to you can get you through some really difficult situations because it's going to push back on the story.
Speaker 2:You're telling yourself Like this is too much, I'm overwhelmed and you need to have something handy and ready to push back on some of those right thoughts right, because we can really get in our heads sometimes and I think that's a really good tip just to kind of look down at something positive and enlightening that can maybe just snap you a little bit out of that so those thoughts aren't just continuously circling. Yes, yeah, well, before we wrap up, do you have any other last minute tips or do you want to share how our listeners could get ahold of you if they're interested in making an appointment with you at the Cleveland Clinic?
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely yes. So the phone number for the Center for Integrative and Lifestyle Medicine is 216-448-4325. You can get messages to me through that number as well. I think just. Lastly, the best advice is just to be flexible, to be open to finding new solutions and just understanding that traditions serve a purpose. Go to the purpose. What is the purpose If it's to increase joy, joyful gatherings, stay with the purpose of why you're getting together versus what the tradition is necessarily, and being willing to be flexible most important.
Speaker 2:That's great. Thank you so much for joining us on the Speaking of Women's Health podcast and thank you to our listeners for tuning in to another episode of our podcast. We're so grateful for everyone's support and we hope you will all consider supporting the podcast by sharing it with others and to catch the latest subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts, spotify, tunein or wherever you listen to podcasts. So thank you again for listening and happy holidays to everybody and we'll see you next time in the Sunflower House.
Speaker 1:And we'll see you next time in the Sunflower House. Thanks so much, leigh. Wasn't that just a fabulous podcast in the Sunflower House? Well, I'm your host and the executive director of Speaking of Women's Health, dr Holly Thacker, and thanks for joining us for another episode of Speaking of Women's Health. If you don't already subscribe to our free podcast, please hit follow or subscribe for free. Wherever you listen to podcast or catch us on Rumble, look for Speaking of Women's Health on the Rumble channel. And if you appreciate all this great information we give you to empower you to be strong, be healthy and be in charge, you can hit the donate button on Speaking of Women's Health and don't forget to access our free treatment guidebooks, our social media, our recipes, our breaking health news. You have been listening to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast.
