Speaking of Women's Health
The Speaking of Women's Health Podcast is excited to bring you credible women's health information from host and Executive Director, Dr. Holly L. Thacker. Dr. Thacker will interview guest clinicians discussing relevant women's health topics and the latest news and tips.
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Speaking of Women's Health
Why Kindness Is Important for Our Health and Relationships
Strong social connections are essential to our well-being, serving as a buffer against life's stresses and contributing to longevity. Guest host Sylvia Morrison shares strategies for building meaningful relationships and emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and kindness.
Learn how new activities and volunteer work can expand your social circles, and embrace technology as a tool to maintain cherished long-distance relationships.
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Thank you. Health, and I am happy to be back in the sunflower house. I'd like to thank our executive producer, Lee Kleckar, and I am so happy to introduce today a guest podcaster, Sylvia Morrison. Sylvia is a retired marketing executive and she's actually worked on Speaking of Women's Health, and she's actually worked on Speaking of Women's Health and she lives our motto be strong, be healthy and be in charge. This is not medical advice, but it's certainly edutainment and it will help empower you, so I hope you enjoy some excellent information from Speaking of Women's Health.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast. I'm your guest host for this episode, sylvia Morrison, and on today's podcast episode, I'm going to be talking about the importance of relationships and friendships. One of our guest columnists for Speaking of Women's Health is Dr Irina Todorov. Dr Todorov is a family medicine physician in the wellness and preventive medicine department at Cleveland Clinic. She wrote a column called Feeling Socially Connected Might Be More Important Than you Think, where she shared how human connection is important for one's health. A study published in 2010 concluded that there is a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships.
Speaker 2:The lack of human connection can be as harmful to your health as obesity, smoking, alcohol consumption and physical activity. What does it mean to be socially connected? In general, being socially connected is defined as feeling close and connected to others. It involves feeling loved, cared for and valued. When you share a deep level of interaction or communication with someone, you feel supported to be your true self, no matter what. Having a few meaningful relationships is much more valuable and beneficial to your health than having many superficial acquaintances. Here are some tips to build a meaningful relationship.
Speaker 2:Loneliness is not simply being alone. You can be lonely while living in a big city, working in a large company or even being married. Developing a deep connection requires a curiosity and attitude of service. Intention and action are key components of building meaningful relationships. Here are some skills that might help you develop new or deepen existing relationships. Number one listen attentively, without interruptions. It's very important. Two be fully present at the conversation and remove distractions like answering emails, phone messages or watching TV. Three seek to understand what is important for the other person and how you can help them grow and achieve what is important for them. And four do things together. The best relationships grow out of shared experiences. Expand your circle of friends. Challenge yourself to try new activities like taking a cooking class, joining an interest group or helping organize a community or a neighborhood event. Sign up for group physical activities like a dance class, group, exercise or a hiking group. Diversify the group of people you meet on a regular basis.
Speaker 2:Volunteer for a cause that you believe in. In a four-year-long study, participants who volunteered 100 or more hours per year versus zero hours per year had a reduced risk of mortality. In addition, they had higher scores for physical activity, positive effect, optimism and purpose in life and lower scores on presence of depressive symptoms, hopelessness, loneliness and physical functioning limitations. Choose a cause that is meaningful to you and find a volunteer opportunity that you believe will make a real difference in someone's life. I've been volunteering my whole life and I find it so incredibly gratifying.
Speaker 2:Use technology for your advantage, not disadvantage. Don't allow physical distance to prevent you from keeping up with meaningful connections that you already have. Keeping up with meaningful connections that you already have. Here are some ways I keep connected with my family and friends who live all over the place via free video platforms like Skype, facetime or WhatsApp. Have dinner together with a topic discussion. Cook with your mother if you can Include relatives at birthday parties and holiday celebrations. Play a game of chess or any game you enjoy. I especially like Monopoly. Help with homework or a task for someone.
Speaker 2:If you've recently moved, retired or just have more time in your life for relationships and friendships. Know that it is never too late to start a healthy relationship with yourself and others. I'd like to share 10 tips on how to start a healthy relationship with friends and yourself that our experts at Speaking of Women's Health have put together for you. One, first and above all begin with self-love. It's okay to humble brag, as we like to call it, a bit. This isn't a selfish act, but more a selfish act of appreciation, joy and respect. When you really like who you are, you can effectively share your wholesome self with a healthy-minded mate. Two be sincere and upfront. Be true to who you are. You're valuable and your opinion does matter, so don't mask your true feelings. If someone doesn't know the real you, they can never love you for who you really are. Three break old patterns of unhealthy loving. Make it a priority to empty out all emotional baggage of the past so that you can travel with a new and healthy emotional set of luggage from today on. Four it's never too late to enjoy a soulmate. Whether you're single or married, this holds true. It doesn't matter what age you are. You can always attract and marry your very own ideal mate. If you're already married, you can rekindle the passion and joy you felt during your courtship.
Speaker 2:Five do not ignore but explore your differences. Women and men do many things differently. This can be fascinating or frustrating, depending on how you choose to look at it. Choose to view it as a fantastic challenge to learn about the opposite sex. Celebrate your differences by forming healthy platonic friendships and really get to know and like each other as friends. Six talk things out. Communication is one of the key ingredients in healthy relationships. Don't assume that the other person knows what you're thinking. Always make room for healthy and rational discussions.
Speaker 2:Seven set some time aside for yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in taking care of everyone else that we forget to make room for our own needs. Schedule at least 15 to 30 minutes each day to pamper yourself. Indulge in a hobby you like, try something new or just relax and replenish your spirit. Reading always gives me that wonderful feeling nothing like a great book. Reading always gives me that wonderful feeling nothing like a great book. Eight if it doesn't fit, do not force it. Don't pretend or force yourself to put up with any condition that causes you discomfort. You can agree to disagree in a positive manner. This way, you'll never have to contort yourself to fit into someone else's expectation. Nine practice the 3P formula, expectation Nine practice the 3P formula penning, pacing and praying. Process your goals or feelings on paper by writing everything down in a journal. Pace yourself with enough time to accomplish what you desire and always pray through each step of the way. Ten learn to laugh more. Start focusing on the little things that bring joy to your heart and a smile to your lips, your life will become more enjoyable and your relationships more pleasant and meaningful, and they will thrive.
Speaker 2:While we're on the subject of building healthy relationships with yourself and others, this is a good time to talk about forgiving and letting go. As we get older, certain relationships can get strained because of all sorts of factors. Dr Morley says your heart is too small to continue to carry painful experiences in it, all because you refuse to forgive. You should be tired of allowing people you haven't forgiven to take up space in your mind free rent, as I like to call it. It is probably more than past the time for you to let it go. Let them go, forgive and live. You will find freedom, relief, as well as inner and outer peace when you give yourself permission to forgive.
Speaker 2:Forgiving is a process. Moving to a point of forgiving a friend or loved one for an atrocity committed against you is predicated on the level of the relationship that you had with him or her, as well as how you define friendship and how you define love, if there has been a true relationship and a true friendship with the person you feel has betrayed you and the relationship was seasoned with love, forgiving that person is much more plausible. Forgiving is a process, not an event. Here are several steps necessary for you to enact forgiveness with the person or persons you've been carrying in your heart and in your mind. Decide how extreme the unforgiving situation is or was, and determine the damage done to you and your loved ones. Assess associated emotions that are blocking you from forgiving this person. Assess how much the individual means to you. Decide if the relationship is worth salvaging. Do you even want to recover it? Develop a written list of pros and cons about salvaging the relationship. Be honest with yourself and decide if you can forgive, if you want to forgive and if you can let go.
Speaker 2:Some people unknowingly revel in the misery of not forgiving. We all know someone like that. Develop a list detailing what it will take for you to forgive the individual. List what you need from him or her to forgive, including any compromises. Be reasonable, specific and not demanding. Practice saying I forgive you to him or her in your mirror. Be willing to accept a sincere apology that starts with the words I am sorry for. Contact the person and arrange to meet in a non-threatening and non-territorial place. Put your feelings of anger and angst aside, ready to listen and be receptive. Share with him or her the impact the atrocity has had on you, using I messages such as I was devastated, I felt betrayed, I was disappointed. Share your what will it take? List with him or her. Share what you need from him or her in order for you to forgive them. Share what you need from him or her in order for you to forgive them if he or she is unwilling to meet your requested needs and apologizes.
Speaker 2:Move to the next step. If not, end the meeting, move on with your life and just let it go. Say the three words and mean it I forgive you. Go a step further by saying I forgive you and I'm willing to let go and try to forget. Agree to talk again, to begin to reestablish your relationship. It will never be the way it was, but this is always a place to start from. Dr Morley ends the article saying take a deep breath, release and begin to feel the weights that have been lifted from your mind, your heart and your shoulders. You have forgiven, you have let go. Good for you. You're now free to pu.
Speaker 2:Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to better mental health by reducing stress and anxiety and also lowering physical ailments. But knowing this doesn't make forgiveness easy. It's a process that can take time and work. While we're talking about letting go, how about saying no? Do you catch yourself saying, yes, I can help with that, or yes, I can do that for you a lot, and then you realize you've put yourself in a situation where you have too much on your plate. So how can you say no without feeling guilty?
Speaker 2:Linda Larson, csp, wrote a helpful article on speakingofwomenshealthcom entitled how to Respectfully Say no. Linda is an international keynote speaker and helps individuals think strategically and communicate effectively. Linda says there will always be times in your personal and professional life when you have to say no to someone's request. The challenge is how to do it without alienating them. In fact, would it be possible to say no to someone's request? The challenge is how to do it without alienating them. In fact, would it be possible to say no and actually have the person walk away appreciating you? Linda believes it truly is how not to say no.
Speaker 2:Linda was in a small electronic store the other day and watched a woman try to return an item. She started out fairly pleasantly, but no matter what she said. The store manager was curt, short and unsympathetic, without any outward appearance of caring for her plight. He flatly refused to honor her request, stating repeatedly that she was past the 30-day return period. At one point she asked well, since you still carry this item, could I exchange it for something of equal value? The manager's nostrils flared, his lips tightened and one eyebrow lifted sharply as he snapped out Maybe I'm not making myself clear. You cannot return or exchange this. It's our policy. The woman's frustration grew. I'm a good customer of this store. I can't believe you won't at least let me exchange this item. Linda watched in amazement as the man sarcastically replied and I'm sure we're happy that you're such a good customer, but you cannot return this item. She gathered her belongings and stomped out of the store, proclaiming I'm never coming back to this store.
Speaker 2:Linda thought to herself that this man could have declined her request and kept a good customer if he had simply acted like he really wanted to help her. He could have said, with true compassion and understanding things like I know, this is very frustrating. I'm sure I'd feel the same way exactly if I were you. I am so very sorry. If there was anything at all that I could do, believe me I would. He could have actually said to her you know, I called our home office before and asked them to bend the rules, and they always say no, but why don't I try again? Then he could have either made the call or not, but what she would have gotten was how much this man did want to help her.
Speaker 2:As simple and logical as this seems, here's why most of us have a problem actually doing this. We love being right, that the other person is wrong for asking for it, ever it is they're asking for, and somehow we feel that if we show compassion for their plight, we're telling them that they are right for asking. Well, as they say, you can be right or you can be happy, pick one. Well, as they say, you can be right or you can be happy, pick one. Linda says here's the bottom line If you show people that you truly care about them and their needs and that you hate having to say no or regret having to say no that's a line I like to use. I regret this To their request you win. They'll walk away knowing that, even though you had to decline their request, you tried everything in your power to give them what they wanted. They will like you. They will want to stay in relationships with you, do business with you and are much more likely to try and help you when the tables are turned.
Speaker 2:Did you ever have the kind of day that made you wonder where all the nice people went? It was as if there was not a single nice person left in the world. Vendors were cranky, your co-workers were grumpy, even your best friend was a little testy. What happened? Was it something in the water? Were the stars lined up wrong? Linda Larson wrote another great article on speakingofwomenshealthcom called how to Get People to Be Nice. She starts off saying well, there are times when we all get a little crabby. I do believe there is something we can do to bring out the nice in people.
Speaker 2:Linda's Experience. Linda shares a story that happened to her a long time ago, but it's an experience that she has never forgotten. She was driving along in the fast-moving left lane of a four-lane highway in a rather busy section of town. Her friend Kathy was with her and they were having a great time laughing and talking as they rode along. Suddenly she noticed that the man in the lane to her right started drifting over into her lane. At first she thought he would just drift back, but instead he encroached further into her path. She hit the horn to alert him to the error of his ways, but to her chagrin her horn did not work. She started moving further to her left toward the oncoming traffic lane. He kept coming towards her. Just about the time she was heading onto the median, he noticed what he'd done and he swerved hastily back into his lane. Thank goodness, her heart was in her throat. She just knew that she was going to die.
Speaker 2:She was livid. How could he be so stupid? She couldn't wait until they got to the first red light so that she could tell him exactly what she thought of him. As luck would have it, the very next light was red. As she started to slow down, she noticed that he was rolling his window down. She could not believe it. Was he going to try to say that she had done something wrong? Could he possibly be that idiotic? She was ready and gearing up for a fight. Kathy. Linda snarled roll down your window. Yes, this was in the days before electric windows. Kathy looked pleadingly back at Linda and said oh Linda, you don't want to do anything stupid here. Do you Just roll down your window. Linda replied through clenched teeth.
Speaker 2:About this time they arrived at the light, both of their windows were down and Linda was glaring for all. She was worth waiting to see what this man would say. He took a breath and, with the utmost respect, said I am so very, very sorry. Linda felt like someone had just popped her balloon. All that anger dissipated. Why did he have to be so nice for crying out loud? Linda could not be mad at him if he was so darn nice. So Linda kind of mumbled something along the lines of well, that's okay, being nice first. Afterward Linda started thinking why was she being nice to someone who was obviously in the wrong? The answer was clear it was because he was so nice. It was because he was honest and sincere and genuinely apologetic. She just couldn't be mean to someone so nice. Linda says okay, that was a long time ago, but the lesson stays with me. If we want more nice people in our lives, then we must be nice first, and the graduate level version of this message includes the following and we must be nice first even when it would be most justifiable to be otherwise. Not easy, but very effective.
Speaker 2:Random Acts of Kindness Week is celebrated from February 14th to February 20th annually, with February 17th being National Random Acts of Kindness Day. Even one small act of kindness can mean a great deal to somebody. In such a busy world, it's important for us to constantly be reminded to be kind to one another and to give others hope whenever we can. A small and random gesture of kindness can go a long way. It'll make you feel so good. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Speaking of Women's Health podcast. If you don't already, please subscribe to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts, to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts. We hope you enjoyed this new episode. Remember be strong, be healthy, be in charge.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for listening. You have been listening to the Speaking of Women's Health podcast and I'm Dr Holly Thacker. If you've enjoyed this episode and you wanna help support our podcast, please share it with others and you can donate to our nonprofit on speakingofwomenshealthcom. You could also leave us a five-star rating and review and, to catch all the latest from us, you can subscribe to this podcast anywhere you catch podcasts. Thanks for joining us at the Sunflower House and we'll see you next time.
